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HOW TO DEAL WITH ANXIETY WITHOUT TURNING TO DRUGS?

HOW TO DEAL WITH ANXIETY WITHOUT TURNING TO DRUGS?

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Drug addiction triggers uncontrollable behaviors that person becomes unable to control their abuse of medications, cigarettes, alcohol or grubs without taking into account its legality. The main problem relies upon their addiction towards these drugs. It triggers wild practices and renders a man unfit to control their utilization of prescription, liquor, cigarettes, or medications. It doesn’t end here but it becomes a massive problem turning into anxiety and depression. It doesn’t just play with the lives of the ones who battle with it every day but it also affects their family, colleagues, and friends. According to the survey in 2016 by Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, they concluded that 8.2 million people suffering from drug addiction with mental disorders and anxiety.

The vocabulary of anxiety is still limited; we need to look at the other consequences of it. It may lead towards Hypoxia that is the low blood oxygen level, in the event that extreme enough, is deadly. In order to combat this situation, the use of oxygen concentrator is a great idea. They take in the air and deliver it in a purified form to level up their blood oxygen requirement.

1-    End your relationship with caffeine:

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Some bars of chocolates, a cup of coffee or a soft drink may give you pleasure but it plays a vital role in triggering your anxiety levels. Caffeine gets a hold on your nervous system and gives you a boost of pleasure full energy. Even the idea of termination of your favorite caffeinated products gives you a mood of anxiety. But that’s not that idea all you have to be to modify it.

As opposed to some espresso daily, downsize to a couple of ordinary estimated containers daily, simply reduce it to half. Give it a trial and perceive how you feel. As you wean yourself, gradually bring different drinks into your eating routine, for example, decaffeinated natural tea, which can quiet your psyche and nerves.

2-    Don’t Hesitate to say NO:

If you only care about everyone else’s plate, your anxiety also will worsen. We’ve all heard the aphorism, “There’s more bliss in giving than accepting.” But no place in this sentence does it say you ought to kick back and let others encroach on your time.

Notwithstanding whether you’re driving someone around their home, getting their kids from school, or listening precisely about their issues, you’ll have little solidarity to consider your very own endeavors in case you burn through the entirety of your essentialness pondering others. This doesn’t mean you should never energize anyone, yet know your obstacles, and don’t be reluctant to express “no” when you need to.

3-    Exercise:

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Make exercise your best friend as it is considered as an anti-anxiety medication. If you battle to practice consistently, overlook the training camps and marathons. Start smaller than normal exercises. Do little measures of activity in your lounge room or take a concise stroll outside. Maintainability is vital. Yoga and swimming are the best exercises to reduce anxiety but the most important thing is to find your happiness in it.

Anxiety plays a significant role in affecting personal satisfaction. Keeping up your sugar levels right, diminishing caffeine, getting enough rest, mending the gut, getting some activity and filling the body with magnesium are sheltered strategies that go far toward lessening uneasiness. In the event that your uneasiness does not react to these way of life mediations, still if you don’t feel relaxed Consult a psychologist to clear your doubts.

4-    Neuro Feedback:

Do what you love. Neurofeedback is an extremely compelling treatment for anxiety that helps you in assisting how to react to your on edge sentiments properly. It utilizes an electronic instrument to show automatic physiological procedures so you can figure out how to impact those procedures by changing your points of view willfully. It is an exceptionally visual and trial process where you are a functioning member in the treatment. It gives you the glance of your physiological reactions to stretch and figure out how to oversee and control them without the utilization of medication therapies. I cherish this technique because with this customers become enable to figure out how to control their tension and train their mind to deliver less of it.

5-    Cognitive Behavioral Techniques:

Prepared analysts and wellbeing experts frequently utilize psychological conduct treatment to distinguish, challenge and modify the perspectives to lessen nervousness indications and avoidant conduct. CBT, for the most part, includes an organized treatment plan inside a predefined time period. It is objective arranged and regularly requires the member to participate in homework exercises to rehearse outside of treatment.  CBT works a ton on reframing contrary convictions and thinking examples to enable individuals to decrease their emotional experience of tension. There is a long history of investigation into CBT and its constructive outcomes on uneasiness and despondency.

6-    Commitment with yourself for Recovery:

Most of the given techniques are to relax, self-assess, being able to cope with your anxiety using different ways. When you know how your brain works and what it wants, you can easily handle it with controlling your mind.

By learning these techniques to actually learn to manage your drug addiction.

So why Wait for tomorrow to give colors to your depressed life. Give any technique a try and enjoys your peace of mind.

Early Recovery Demands

There are a few “suggestions” for people in early recovery. I say suggestions in the same way that it’s a suggestion to pull the cord on a parachute when you jump out of a plane.
The first thing to realise is that recovery has to come first. Recovery, recovery, and more recovery.
So, the question is how we keep recovery at the forefront of our lives when there is so much going on.

  1. Have a morning routine/structure in place. Keep in mind we are not saints and are on a path of progress not perfection. Forgetting to follow your morning routine doesn’t mean that it’s the end of then world. As long as we are doing better than we were doing before and are making small but definite gains in our recovery then we are on the right path.
  2. Having connections with other recovering people. Don’t underestimate the power of these relationships or connections. ‘ONE ADDICT HELPING ANOTHER IS WITHOUT PARALLEL’. There is a good reason they mention this in the Narcotics Anonymous Blue Book, and that’s because it’s true and it works. Having literally an army of recovering people who have done this before you is a major benefit and would be a waste of their and you’re time not to use them.
    Plus you need someone who has been through the steps to take you through the steps, so if you want to continue working this program of change you are going to have to make the connections.
  3. Support Groups
    Have you heard of the suggestion, 90 meetings in 90 days? That’s right a meeting everyday for 3 months. So many people don’t think this is “necessary”.  By the end of the 3 months you will most likely have a decent support structure in place.
  4. Being accountable.
    Accountability protects us from ourselves. In the early phases of our recovery, we can’t really trust ourselves to make the right decisions all the time. We can’t solve the problem with the thinking that created the problem. Therefore, a sponsor, therapist or counsellor is a major benefactor for us. Setting goals and making commitments to someone makes our jobs a bit easier. Almost forcing us to act on our new-found life. Safeguarding us from the insanity that is spoken about in step two.

There are loads more demands that we must face in early recovery. Please comment below this post on what you might be facing or struggling with.

Recovery Actions have Expiry Dates

Expiry Dates during recovery:

Many people come through our treatment centre and believe that the work they put in here is enough and that the work they put in here is going to carry them for the rest of their lives. This is a dangerous myth and one that could lead many to relapse.
Like the title states, Actions in recovery have expiry dates and what we mean by this is that the last counselling session you had, has a “half-life” of about a day. That Just for Today reading you did this morning can set you on the right path for the day but still, it’s not enough to keep you clean and sober for the rest of your life.

If you understand the fundamentals of early recovery you’d understand that to convince yourself that using or drinking is a clever idea and won’t hurt anyone is a simple task. “no-one will know”, “just this one time” and then my personal favourite, “this time will be different” are all slogans addicts in early recovery on the road to relapse use. There is no neighbourhood more dangerous than an addict in early recovery left to his/her own devices for extended periods of time.
Another fundamental principle of early recovery is powerlessness, just because I’ve written out the theory of step one does not necessarily mean I grasp the principle of what that step should offer.
If you find yourself alone with the means to use your drug of choice and you are bargaining ‘should I use or should I not use’ you are in a seriously dangerous situation that in my opinion will end in your power of choice diminishing and eventually lead to relapse. The solution here is to remember the principle we are talking about, powerlessness. Asking for help is imperative in this situation, remembering that reaching out means that you care enough about yourself and your recovery to make the right decisions.

I believe what most people get wrong in these early days sounds like this, they don’t view recovery as a lifestyle, a new culture to take part in. They keep life and recovery separate, eventually allowing the “life” side to take priority, smothering out any hope of recovery surviving, this might take a year or 3 weeks but eventually, people lose sight of what’s truly important.
The actions we put in daily last for that day, maybe more. But one thing I feel sure about is that without recovery becoming a lifestyle, the chances of living in long term recovery get smaller. Time and life become the enemy, we can only deal with what we are willing to face and being able to see these simple but powerful facts could be the deciding factor in your process.

Next Steps

We hope that you found this article helpful. If you are struggling with an Addiction or know someone who is. Please feel free to contact us and we can help you with your next steps.

Cherrywood House is a rehabilitation centre for people suffering from substance and other addictive disorders. It is situated in the tranquil, semi-rural environments of Constantia, Cape Town, South Africa. We offer  Residential Programmes, Aftercare Support Services, Outpatient Programme, Family Support Groups. For more information. Visit our Website Here.

Triggers | Associations

What are Triggers?

Triggers and associations are strong reminders of the past. For people in early recovery, a trigger or association can be the influencing factor which leads to a relapse. A few triggers are easier to see than others, for example, the bar you used to drink at is a blatant reminder of your drinking. Most triggers are a lot smaller but just as powerful. For example, that playlist that always played in your car while you were using or drinking might have a strong enough association to make you crave. Something as simple as getting home after a treatment and your house smells a certain way could bring back memories, causing a substantial craving.

Internal Triggers

Furthermore, there are also internal triggers which are harder to prepare for. Certain emotions can trigger a desire to use. If you had a certain dynamic with a family member that caused you to feel resentful which lead to you fighting and eventually using, that dynamic will possibly happen again once you are home. Being aware of your dynamics in relationships might be the difference between you acting out or making the decision to do something differently. You only need to do something different once to see that there is another way.

Preparing for Triggers

Many people underestimate the force that these triggers and associations have on someone in early recovery and just how quickly they can lead to physical relapse. Here at Cherrywood House we make a point to go through triggers in our relapse prevention workshops and in our Transitional Workshops.

The question remains, how do we deal with triggers and associations so that we can be safe when we leave treatment?

TRIGGERS & ASSOCIATIONS: HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM

For most people, the transition will be difficult as not everyone can move houses or towns. You will be confronted with the same situations, with the same people most likely causing the same feelings.

The first step to combating these dynamics is awareness, we need to be prepared for this. Surprises will pop up but the more prepared we are, the less chance of emotionally acting out there is.

Trust your internal messages. Treatment makes us aware of ourselves and of our thought processing. If you think you are at risk, you probably are. Walk away; rather apologise one day for being rude, than apologise to your family because you sold the car again during a relapse. Being true to yourself is going to be far more rewarding than conforming to what others expect of you.

Next Steps

We hope that you found these tips on Triggers and Associations helpful and encouraging.  If you are struggling with an Addiction or know someone who is. Please feel free to contact us and we can help you with your next steps.

Cherrywood House is a rehabilitation centre for people suffering from substance and other addictive disorders. It is situated in the tranquil, semi-rural environments of Constantia, Cape Town, South Africa. We offer  Residential Programmes, Aftercare Support Services, Outpatient Programme, Family Support Groups. For more information. Visit our Website Here.

Do and Dont’s for Early Recovery

Do’s and Don’ts: Early Recovery

DO – Ask for help from people you trust

In Early Recovery this is probably the single most important piece of advice for someone who continues to struggle with drug or alcohol addiction. The reason such a person is struggling is because they are dealing with a problem all by themselves, and they are constantly battling with the fact that they cannot overcome their problem alone. Many of us are very stubborn and believe that we can figure out such a problem by ourselves, but addiction proves to be too much for many of us.

This does not mean that you are stupid….what it means is that you are a true addict or alcoholic. There is a big difference, and one that most “normies” may never fully grasp. It is easier for a normie to believe that addiction is a produce of either mental weakness or moral failings. In my opinion (being an addict myself) it is neither of those things.

Is alcoholism and addiction about lack of information, or is it a moral issue? One thing that should make you raise an eyebrow towards traditional recovery is this interesting double standard: They say that you are not a bad person if you are an addict or alcoholic, but that you are, in fact, a sick person. So they argue that having the disease of addiction is NOT a moral failing. But then if you look at the traditional recovery steps, they specifically address fixing moral defects of character as a means to treat the addiction. This is an interesting turnabout that I have never quite been able to fully grasp and understand. On the one hand it is a disease and not a moral failing, but on the other hand the 12 steps seek to treat the problem by fixing moral defects of character. Can anyone clarify how this is not some form of confusing doublespeak? It’s not a moral failing, but here…fix it by working on your moral character!

So in my experience addiction and alcoholism are not moral problems, and they are not the result of stupidity either. Instead, it is a physical “allergy” that leads to a pattern and a cycle that traps the addict or alcoholic.

As such, the person needs new information in order to escape from this trap. They cannot do this under their own power unless they learn new information that can teach them how to live successfully without self medicating all the time.

This is what should fuel early recovery then: the need for new information. The struggling addict needs to learn something if they are going to significantly change their manner of living. Therefore early recovery is a huge learning experience.

This is what makes this first “do” so important. You are not going to learn anything by having stuffed rammed down your throat against your will or being preached at. You have to want to learn something if you are truly going to experience something new.

And therefore you must ask for new knowledge. You have to ask for help. This is a critical component of early recovery. If you are not asking for help, if you are not seeking new knowledge about how to live without drugs and alcohol, then you are probably not ready to be clean and sober yet.

Early recovery is really about willingness. Your success in the first year of your recovery can be measured based on your level of willingness at the beginning of your journey.

If you are not in a place where you are willing to ask for help then early recovery is going to be a very rocky experience. Most people who try to get clean and sober without any outside help end up relapsing. This is indeed what defines their addiction. If they can do it on their own then they do not even label themselves as an “addict” or an “alcoholic.”

DO – Follow through on advice and suggestions you receive

After you ask for help, what happens next? Obviously you have to do something with the new information that you receive.

For many people, this will play out as a trip to rehab or treatment of some sort. This is perfectly acceptable and is probably the best course of action for most people in early recovery. There are many benefits to going to inpatient treatment. Certainly you could do worse than ending up in a short term treatment facility.

What happens to most people in early recovery who have taken that first step in asking for help is this: They take a few tentative steps towards real change, then they get scared and pull back, sabotaging their recovery effort. This is why they say that you have to let go “absolutely.” People who fail to let go of everything are still hanging on to some need for control. This is a fear based reaction and it is perfectly understandable.

Just checking into an inpatient rehab can be a very scary experience. I don’t blame anyone for backing out of such a deal. It is scary to turn your will and your life over to others. It is scary to check into treatment and be at the mercy of random strangers. This goes against many of our basic survival instincts, to surrender and back off and allow others to dictate our actions for us. In many respects, going to treatment can be a lot like voluntarily walking into prison and putting your hands out to be chained in handcuffs. It takes a lot of guts to reach this level of surrender.

Willingness is one thing, but taking action is another thing entirely. Having the willingness implies that you are willing to take action.

If you were to interview several recovering addicts and alcoholics who have just made it through their first year of recovery without relapse, you could ask them to take a look back at that first year and tell you how much of the solution was “taking action.”

I am sure if you did this then people would emphatically tell you that it was ALL about taking action. They would say that they really dove into recovery, that they took all sorts of action in their life, and that the people who failed to take action were the ones who relapsed. This is just how it goes. Do nothing (or very little) and you will quickly revert to your old using or drinking behaviors. Relapse comes to those who do nothing.

Early Recovery is all about change. When you first get clean and sober your natural reaction to life in general is to use drugs or alcohol. Period. Your solution for everything is to self medicate. This is your baseline for existence when you first get into recovery.

This has to change. The only way it is going to change is if you ask for help and then take action. Because your whole life is dominated by addiction, you are going to have to take LOTS of action. Just changing one little thing is not going to do it. You have to change “everything.” Again, if you interview successful people in recovery they will emphatically state that this is true, you really do have to change everything. To say that this requires action and follow-through is an understatement. You are going to have to push harder than you have ever pushed before in your life. You are going to have to make a supreme effort.

Thus, action and follow through are extremely important to your success. Anyone can say “I want to quit drugs or alcohol” but very few will actually put in the massive work required and get it done. You can be one of those people if you choose to take massive action and put forth a serious effort.

DO – Dedicate your life to recovery

This “do” is really about the level of action, willingness, and follow through that you commit to taking in recovery.

Essentially what you will want to do is to dedicate your entire life to recovery. This should happen for at least the first year or two.

Most people who first dabble with the idea of getting clean and sober do not come anywhere near this level of dedication and commitment. They suffer from a problem that I like to call “compartmentalizing their recovery.”

What this means is that the person is trying to pick and choose how they recover, when they recover, and by what methods they recover. They are trying to say “OK, I can go to an AA meeting here and there, but I certainly can’t live in treatment or do this sponsorship stuff or attend meetings every day for months on end!”

Or they may say “sure, I can quit drinking or using drugs….but there is no way I am going to an inpatient facility in order to do so!”

Or they may simply try to recover from their addiction without disrupting any other part of their life. They try to compartmentalize their recovery and put it in this neat little box, such that it does not affect any other part of their life. They want everything else to continue on as normal, without their recovery having much impact on the other parts of their life.

This is never going to work. This cannot ever possibly work for anyone. You cannot compartmentalize your recovery from addiction. It’s not possible. People who try to do so have not fully grasped just how deeply their addiction infiltrates every part of their life.

There is a reason that they say that “you have to change everything.” They say this because it is really true. If you successfully go through a year or two of recovery, you will look back on it one day and agree with the statement that “yes, everything is really different in your life, everything changed, you had to let go of everything in order to recover.”

People who hang on to a little piece of their old life are only sabotaging their efforts. They have reservations. They cannot let go absolutely.

In order to succeed in early recovery you must let go of everything. You must become willing to change everything.

In order to do this you need to be willing.

Then you need to ask for help.

Then you need to follow through on the advice and suggestions you receive.

And finally you need to dedicate your entire life to learning a new way of life. If you have to slap a time limit on it then give yourself a year. Tell yourself “for one year, I will dedicate my entire life to recovery, to not using drugs or alcohol, and to learning a new way to live so that I can be happy while being clean and sober.”

If you watch people in recovery who end up relapsing, you will notice that they have not done this. They have not dedicated their entire life to recovery. They are stuck trying to compartmentalize their recovery. In a way, they are still trying to have their cake and eat it too. They are trying to hold on to control of certain things while only hoping to let go of other things. You cannot succeed this way. You have to let go of everything (need to control) absolutely. Let go of it all. Surrender fully and completely to your addiction. This is the only way to truly succeed in recovery. You must dedicate your entire life to sobriety, to recovery, to a new way of living.

DON’T – Rely on meetings or therapy alone to keep you sober

Now for some “don’ts.”

My first recommendation can be slightly controversial, because most people in traditional recovery harp on the idea that “meeting makers make it.” Going to daily AA meetings is typically seen as a lifeline to strong recovery. Why would anyone argue against those helpful meetings?

Really I am not arguing against the meetings, I am just putting in a word of caution here.

What I am suggesting is that you do not RELY on the meetings for your continued success in recovery.

You can test this yourself without risking relapse. Simply cut back from your meetings, and see how you feel. If you go to AA every single day, try skipping a day here and there and see if it affects you. Some people find that it changes their attitude and their outlook when they miss a meeting. I used to experience this myself in early recovery, and I could notice it when it happened.

So what changed? I forced myself to solve this particular problem. Why was I dependent on the meetings in order to have a good attitude and feel confident in my recovery? I did not like this after I discovered it and realized that I had just created another dependency (much healthier than a drug or alcohol dependency, but a dependency nonetheless).

What changed for me is that I started to realize that I was complacent in going to daily meetings. I was using them incorrectly. I was using daily AA meetings as a form of ongoing therapy. This is not their intended purpose, believe it or not. But this is largely what daily AA meetings have become for most people.

I vowed to stop using the meetings this way and to stop relying on them as a daily therapy session. In order to do this I started to seek other outlets, other forms of personal growth, and other ways to feel good about my recovery that did not involve “the program.”

What I discovered is that recovery is really nothing more than a continuous cycle of personal growth–a constant reinvention of the self. People could achieve this state of growth both in and out of programs like AA. I also discovered that people could achieve this cycle of personal growth by being in alternative programs, religious based programs, or in no program at all. The key was in the personal growth, not in the specific program of recovery.

So by all means, you (or anyone else) can keep going to AA meetings every day, and I would encourage you to do so if you get value out of them. But do not rely on those meetings in order to sustain your recovery. If you do then this only points to a glaring weakness in your own recovery process. Personal growth outside of AA meetings should be enough to sustain your recovery. If it is not then your dependency is making you weaker, not stronger.

On the other hand, if you can find successful recovery via personal growth without depending on AA, then you can still attend AA meetings and have something much more powerful and meaningful to contribute to them. You can become a message of hope and strength in a venue where most people are dependent on the group therapy aspect to sustain their sobriety, and you will be coming instead from a place of greater strength.

DON’T – Expect early recovery to be easy

Again, this is just underestimating your disease and the recovery process itself. Nearly everyone does this at first, and usually a relapse or two is necessary in order to realize just how powerful the addiction truly is.

This speaks to the level of dedication and commitment that is required. Think back to the greatest challenge of your life so far, and what the toughest thing is that you have ever accomplished. Now realize that overcoming your addiction is probably going to be a full step harder than anything else ever has been for you. This is the struggle of your life and if you want to succeed then you have to realize that this is going to be a very difficult journey.

I don’t like it when people throw around “doom and gloom statistics” in recovery but the fact is that those lousy success rates are basically true. The odds are heavily stacked against the individual in recovery, and most people do not make it to 1, 5, 10 years sober. But obviously many people DO make it in recovery and you can certainly be one of them. You just have to decide and commit to doing so. But realize that you must decide and commit with a level of intensity that is far beyond anything you have ever done before in your life. This is it. Nothing in your past could have possibly prepared you for a challenge of this magnitude, so you would be wise to realize this and adjust accordingly. Don’t make a lazy or half hearted effort and expect to be successful.

DON’T – Set yourself up for future complacency

I mentioned the trap of AA meetings and a possibly dependency there. In addition to this, anyone who is practicing “acceptance” more than they are challenging themselves to grow is also headed for trouble.

Complacency is the trap of laziness. It is a path that says “we are OK now, we are stable in recovery, no need to seek out any more learning or growth experiences.”

Don’t allow yourself to fall into this trap. The way to prevent this is to embrace the cycle of personal growth. Realize that you are always going to be learning new things, and stay open to new growth opportunities. There is a proper “pace” in recovery where you are always looking ahead to that next challenge, and at the same time you are not burning yourself out either. Find that pace. In finding it you will also realize that there is a time for acceptance and reflection in your life. But even after you reach a goal in your life, you should still be looking ahead to your next big project. Thus you can always be learning, always be willing to change and to grow. This is the path of success in recovery.

sourced from Spiritual River

Relapse and what to look out for

Relapse can and does happen.

Relapse is more than just using alcohol or drugs.  It is the progressive process of becoming so dysfunctional in recovery that self-medication with alcohol or drugs seems like a reasonable choice.

The relapse process is a lot like knocking over a line of dominoes. The first domino hits the second, which hits the third, and soon a progressive chain reaction has started. The sequence of problems that lead from stable sobriety to relapse is similar to those dominoes. There are two differences. First, each domino in the line (i.e. each problem that brings us closer to substance use) gets a little bit bigger and heavier until the last domino in the sequence is ten feet tall, four feet wide, and a foot thick. As this 10,000-pound domino begins to fall on us, it is too heavy for us to handle alone. The second difference is that the dominoes circle around behind us. So when the last domino falls, it hits us from behind when we’re not looking.

So here we are, moving along in recovery. We tip over one small domino. No big deal! That domino hits the next, and then the next. A chain reaction gets started. The first dominoes are so small that we can easily convince ourselves that it’s no big deal. We look the other way and start doing other things. All of a sudden a huge domino falls on us from behind, crushing us to the floor, causing serious pain and injury in the process. We need to make the pain go away and we reach for old reliable – the magical substances that always helped us without pain in the past. We’ve now started drinking and drugging.

The answer to avoiding relapse is not to take up weight training so you will be strong enough to lift that last domino off of your now crippled body. Part of the answer is to learn how not to tip over the first domino. Another part of the answer is to develop an emergency plan for stopping the chain reaction quickly before the dominoes start getting so big and heavy that they become unmanageable.

The Relapse Process

The progression of problems that lead to relapse is called the relapse process. Each individual problem in the sequence is called a relapse warning sign. The entire sequence of problems is called a relapse warning sign list. The situations that we put ourselves in that cause or complicate the problems are caused high risk situations.

It’s important to remember that we don’t start drinking and drugging because of the last problem in the sequence. We start drinking and drugging because the entire sequence of problems got out of control. Let’s look at the steps of this process in more detail.

Step 1: Getting Stuck In Recovery

Many of us decide that alcohol or drugs is a problem, stop using, and put together some kind of a recovery plan to help us stay sober. Initially we do fine. At some point, however, we hit a problem that we are unwilling or unable to deal with. We stop dead in our tracks. We are stuck in recovery and don’t know what to do.

Step 2: Denying That We’re Stuck

Instead of recognizing that we’re stuck and asking for help, we use denial to convince ourselves that everything is OK. Denial makes it seem like the problem is gone, but it really isn’t. The problem is still there. It just goes under ground where we can’t see it. At some level we know that the problem is there, but we keep investing time and energy in denying it. This results in a build-up of pain and stress.

Step 3: Using Other Compulsions

To cope with this pain and stress, we begin to use other compulsive behaviors. We can start overworking, over-eating, dieting, or over-exercising. We can get involved in addictive relationships and distract ourselves by trying to experience the orgasm that shook New York City. These behaviors make us feel good in the short run by distracting us from our problems. But since they do nothing to solve the problem, the stress and pain come back. We feel good now, but we hurt the latter. This is a hallmark of all addictive behaviors.

Step 4: Experiencing A Trigger Event

Then something happens. It’s usually not a big thing. It’s something we could normally handle without getting upset. But this time something snaps inside. One person described it this way: “It feels like a trigger fires off in my gut and I go out of control.”

Step 5: Becoming Dysfunctional On The Inside: 

When the trigger goes off, our stress jumps up, and our emotions take control of of our minds. To stay sober we have to keep intellect over emotion. We have to remember who we are (an addicted person), what we can’t do (use alcohol or drugs), and what we must do (stayed focused upon working a recovery program). When emotion gets control of the intellect we abandon everything we know, and start trying to feel good now at all costs.

Relapse almost always grows from the inside out. The trigger event makes our pain so severe that we can’t function normally. We have difficulty thinking clearly. We swing between emotional overreaction and emotional numbness. We can’t remember things. It’s impossible to sleep restfully and we get clumsy and start having accidents.

Step 6: Becoming Dysfunctional On The Outside: 

At first this internal dysfunction comes and goes. It’s annoying, but it’s not a real problem so we learn how to ignore it. On some level, we know something is wrong so we keep it a secret. Eventually we get so bad that the problems on the inside create problems on the outside. We start making mistakes at work, creating problems with our friends, families, and co-workers. We start neglecting our recovery programs. And things keep getting worse.

Step 7: Losing Control: 

We handle each problem as it comes along but look at the the growing pattern of problems. We never really solve anything, we just put band-aids on the deep gushing cuts, put first-aid cream on seriously infected wounds, and tell ourselves the problem is solved. Then we look the other way and try to forget about the problems by getting involved in compulsive activities that will somehow magically fix us.

This approach works for awhile, but eventually things start getting out of control. As soon as we solve one problem, two new ones pop up to replace it. Life becomes one problem after another in an apparently endless sequence of crisis. One person put it like this: “I feel like I’m standing chest deep in a swimming pool trying to hold three beach balls underwater at once. I get the first one down, then the second, but as I reach for the third, the first one pops back up again.”

We finally recognize that we’re out of control. We get scared and angry. “I’m sober! I’m not drinking! I’m working a program! Yet I’m out of control. If this is what sobriety is like – who needs it?”

Step 8: Using Addictive Thinking

Now we go back to using addictive thinking. We begin thinking along these lines: ” Sobriety is bad for me, look at how miserable I am. Sober people don’t understand me. Look at how critical they are. Maybe things would get better if I could talk to some of my old friends. I don’t plan to drink or use drugs, I just want to get away from things for awhile and have a little fun. People who supported my drinking and drugging were my friends. They knew how to have a good time. These new people who want me to stay sober are my enemies. Maybe I was never addicted in the first place. Maybe my problems were caused by something else. I just need to get away from it all for awhile! Then I’ll be able to figure it all out.”

Step 9:  Going Back To Addictive People, Places, And Things

Now we start going back to addictive people (our old friends), addictive places (our old hangouts), and addictive things (mind polluting compulsive activities). We convince ourselves that we’re not going to drink or use drugs. We just want to relax.

A client in one of my groups said he wanted to go to a bar so he could listen to music and relax while drinking soft drinks. And old timer in the group asked: “If you told me you were going to a whore house to say prayers, do you think I’d believe you? Well, when you tell me you’re going to a bar to drink cokes I have about the same reaction!”

Step 10: Using Addictive Substances: 

Eventually, things get so bad that we come to believe that we only have three choices – collapse, suicide, or self-medication. We can collapse physically or emotionally from the stress of all our problems. We can end it all by committing suicide. Or we medicate the pain with alcohol or drugs. If these were your only three choices, which one sounds like the best way out?

At this stage the stress and pain is so bad that it seems reasonable to use alcohol or drugs as a medicine to make the pain go away. The 10,000 pound domino just struck the back of our head, breaking our bones, and crushing us to the ground. We’re dazed, hurt, and in tremendous pain. So we reach out for something, anything, that will kill the pain. We start using alcohol and drugs in the misguided hope it will make our pain go away.

Step 11: Losing Control Over Use

Once addicted people start using alcohol or drugs, they tend to follow one of two paths. Some have a short term and low consequence relapse. They recognize that they are in serious trouble, see that they are losing control, and manage to reach out for help and get back into recovery. Others start to use alcohol or drugs and feel such extreme shame and guilt that they refuse to seek help. They eventually develop progressive health and life problems and either get back into recovery, commit suicide, or die from medical complications, accidents, or drug-related violence.

Other Outcomes Of The Relapse Process

Some relapse prone people don’t drink. They may say “I’d rather be dead than drunk” and they either attempt or commit suicide. Others just hang in there until they have a stress collapse, develop a stress related illness, or have a nervous breakdown. Still others use half measures to temporarily pull themselves together for a little while only to have the problems come back later. This is called partial recovery and many people stay in it for years. They never get well, but they never get drunk either.

What I have just described is called the relapse process and it’s not rare. Most recovering people periodically experience some of these warning signs. About half can stop the process BEFORE they start using substances or collapse from stress. The other half revert to using alcohol or other drugs, collapse from stress related illness, or kill themselves.

It’s not a pretty picture. No wonder we don’t want to think or talk about relapse. It’s depressing. The problem is that refusing to think or talk about it doesn’t stop it from happening. As a matter of fact ignoring the early warning sing makes us more likely to relapse.

But there is hope. There is a method called Relapse Prevention that can teach us to recognize early warning signs of relapse and stop them before we use alcohol and drugs or collapse. That’s what my next article is about. There’s also a process called Relapse Early Intervention that helps us set up an emergency plan to stop relapse quickly should it occur. We’ll cover that in our third article.

References

Gorski, Terence T., Relapse – Relapse Prevention – A New Recovery Tool, Alcoholism & Addiction Magazine;; By Terence T. Gorski September 25, 1989

Conflict Styles and Consequences

Relationships in Recovery

Here’s the dilemma; chemically problematic men and women don’t do well in ‘relationships’.

An extremely high percentage of people who try to get clean and sober but then repeatedly find themselves relapsing, relapse because of relationship breakdowns and the subsequently overwhelming feelings of hurt, loss, and failure. For too many people, conflict in a relationships spells the end of the relationship.

That’s one of the reasons why many counsellors advise, ‘don’t get involved in romantic relationships in early recovery’.

And whilst that makes sense the fact is, some of the key character failings within many addiction orientated people and a major contributing factor of most relationship failure is the lack of boundaries and the inability to say yes when we mean yes and no when we mean no.

So telling them to avoid romantic relationships is like telling the alcoholic not to drink anymore, it’s a good idea and everyone can see the sense in it, but it is inevitably the build up to further disappointment.  Cherrywood House assumes and accepts that many of our struggling families and relapsing addicts, without even realizing it, would rather have a bad relationship than no relationship.

So, reaching out to those guys, I want to ask, ‘did you ever consider that you may not know how to handle conflict in a healthy way’? I want to talk to you about how to identify what you turn into when the going gets tough.

FIVE CONFLICT STYLES:

Avoiders – Have one intention, ‘staying out of conflict’. Avoiders are unassertive people-pleasers and therefore the ‘other side’ to feel as if they are right and/or that they can get anything they want from you.

The Turtles silently say; “I am not interested enough to invest in this conflict”. Long term avoidance increases inner frustrations and fosters a belief that ‘I am weak’ which then develops internal (passive) hostility

Accommodators – With the intentions of preserving relationships at all costs, they will sweep issues under the carpet and do anything not to hurt anyone’s feelings.

They are Teddy Bears that silently say: “We must get along and not let ‘things’ come between us”. Putting the other person’s feelings or wants above their own out of fear of being abandoned, but still develop resentment towards those they bend over backward for, as resentment towards themselves and self-pity.

Long term accommodators produce a false front of cooperation, cheerfulness, and love for other people. Accommodators always increase in self-dislike and frustrations about having to hold every one of their relationships together

Compromisers – always have the intention to award the other side just a little bit of winning in order to manipulate them into a majority loss.

Foxes silently say: “We must all submit our personal desires and serve the common good, as long as I benefit the most”.

Long term compromising create strained relationships with very little commitment to anything and recurring relational conflicts.

CompetitorsThey are intent on winning in a conflict situation. The shark has the following philosophy, ‘there are only two options, winning and losing, and winning is best’.

Sharks say: “I know what’s best for everyone concerned all the time so don’t get in my way”, effectively taking control, even if it’s for the worst. Their controlling and angry nature is upsetting to many, and they often fail to admit when they are wrong in order to keep winning an argument, no matter the cost.

Long term competing styles produce ingrained hostility and half-hearted implementation of solutions and a decreased goal achievement.

Collaborators – Whether you are right or wrong, you can choose to take 85% of the responsibility for getting all parties fully involved in defining the conflict and in carrying out mutually agreeable steps for resolving the conflict.

Owl’s say “Everyone’s goal is important, let’s work together, let’s create a win-win situation” This conflict style is the most effective and results in stable conflict resolutions, and helps keep relationships stable and healthy.

All in inclusive collaboration produces trust, strong relationships, mutual enthusiasm and workable implementations of solutions.

If you see yourself in these conflict styles, try adopting a Collaborator conflict resolution style to help maintain the stability of your relationships and enforce your own dedication to staying clean and sober. With the support of strong, healthy relationships where conflicts don’t result in breakdowns and destruction, you can continue on your journey of recovery with more confidence.

Just remember never to give up or breakdown in conflict situations. Even the best relationships have conflict, they are just resolved effectively by all parties involved.

Please don’t hesitate to contact Cherrywood House or Cherrywood House on Facebook for questions or discussions within the realm of conflicts and any other addiction or recovery issues.

Forgiveness-Letting go of grudges and bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance — but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. It can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

Conflict Management in Early Recovery

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN EARLY RECOVERY

It appears to be internationally accepted advice for addicts fresh into recovery not to get involved in emotional and romantic relationships for a period of up to two years. The reasoning behind this suggested discipline lies in the hope that as you come into recovery you will start to change as a person, so in two years’ time, if you have joined a programme of change, you will not be the same person that you are today.

It is also fair to say that, until you are at peace with the person you have become because of the addiction, and then made some necessary changes, the person you hope to be may remain a figment of your ambitions. There is also the toxic danger of wanting a relationship in order to get good feelings from an external source (using). Therefore, in simple terms, it could be relationally detrimental to invest yourself in the life of another person, especially if that other person is also in an early recovery programme.

However, whilst all that may sound like good counsel, in reality, not to be in a relationship is simply not an option. Everyone is in ‘relationship’ with everyone else to one degree or another, and where there is ‘relationship’, there is bound to be ‘conflict’.

THREE MAIN STRANDS OF CONFLICT:

1.The Intra-personal conflict – the war that rages within yourself between your Cognition (what you know to be healthy and unhealthy choices); your Spirituality (which is either destroyed or developed by what you choose to feed it); and your Emotional chaos (the culmination of shame, fear, guilt and failure due to the addiction).

2. The Inter-personal conflict – while you are rooted in your Intra-personal conflict, people back away from you because they have learned that going into any form of relationship with you comes with a high price. That’s why you now have all those failed relationships and lost friendships behind you and that haunting feeling that no one really wants you around, they just tolerate you.

3. The Systemic Conflict – also rooted in your Intra-personal conflict. This is why you have always found it really difficult to believe that you actually fit in anywhere. Therefore, if we neglect the life-controlling conditions of Intra and Inter-personal conflict, the only community within which you will feel any sense of belonging is where mind and mood-altering chemicals rule supreme, where healthy is made to look sad and unhealthy is made to look good; this is where miss-fits fit in and where unacceptable behavior is the key to acceptance – The Drug Culture.

“Welcome back to planet earth, we’ve missed you”

The concept of conflict has many and varied definitions. For the purposes localising our approach we use the following definition of conflict: “a difference in opinions or purposes that frustrates someone else’s goals or desires”.

THE MINEFIELD OF RELAPSE

In the journey from active destructive addictions and repeatedly expensive clinical treatments, to the struggles of early recovery and consistent social stability, the road is fraught with Relationship Conflict. It is the one guarantee that most programmes warn you about, and now a growing number of clinicians are actually learning to prepare you for.

At Cherrywood House Recovery Homes, the more you grow relationally, the less expensive the programme becomes financially – that way, you start the process of reconciliation and healing by showing your family how ‘things are improving’. Stop promising and show them.

An integral component of your treatment programme at The Cherrywood House  will be our practical and understandable ‘Relationship Conflict Management for Early Recovery’ seminars. Our aim is to equip our clients with relationship awareness and tools for taking developmental responsibility so that they can return home with the relational ability and willingness to take 80% of the responsibility for creating a new relational normal for everyone around them.

Conflict is the energy which can both tear families apart and/or draw them closer together, depending on how it is handled. It is this dual potential within each of us to which Cherrywood House introduces clients and their loved ones.

Individual relational empowerment is the seedbed of transformation in individuals, in couples, in families and ultimately out into our societies. The addict or the alcoholic, who once sat central to everyone’s concerns and chaos, now becomes the person everyone wanted them to be.

All of a sudden, as each family member commits to the day-to-day applications of relational self-honesty, everyone becomes an autonomous and integral part of the solution.

There are five key Conflict Styles, four of which are deadly:

1. The Teddy Bear – this is the people-pleasing approach of ‘everyone must like me’ so I must deny myself to keep everyone happy – Deadly!

2.The Turtle – this is the ‘we must avoid all conflict at all costs’ mindset. These guys sit passively and wait for every storm to go away, and then every six weeks or so they explode and dredge up resentments that they have accumulated and stored within their passivity – Deadly!

3. The Fox – these are the very subtle abusers who will ‘let you win a little bit so that they can win the most’, and then when they relapse, they somehow seem to have the ability to help you to feel guilty. These guys are only ever honest in order to manipulate you – Deadly!

4.The Shark – this is the relational bully who believes that there are only two options in life – winning and losing and that winning is best. Every dispute is a competition and relational harmony is dependent upon them winning – Deadly!

WITHIN THIS DEADLY QUARTET WE HAVE A TERRIBLE TWO:

1. The Peace Fakers – they deny, get depressed, and run away from people

2. The Peace Breakers – they accuse, get aggressive, and chase people away

Wisdom is needed. The Conflict Style that works best:

5. The Owl – this is the collaborator, The Peacemaker, the one who says: ‘Okay guys, everyone’s interests are important here; let’s listen to each other and work out how to find a ‘win-win’ situation; our family and our relationships are more important than individual personal agenda – Developmental!

At Cherrywood House, our Conflict Management for Early Recovery seminars challenges each individual to examine and embrace how they have been contributing to the heartache of everyone around them by their deadly conflict styles.

It is a worldwide phenomenon that the majority of relapses back into active addiction take place because of Relationship Chaos, and basically, we believe, it all boils down to people not knowing how to disagree with each other from time to time, without one or all of them taking everything as a personal attack and therefore falling out with each other forever.

We think it may be time to stand up and fight ‘with’ what we believe, ‘alongside’ the people we love, instead of fighting ‘for’ what we think would be best, ‘against’ the people we are failing to control.

“Conflict is the energy which can both tear families apart or draw them closer together, depending on how it is handled”

If you or someone else you know is suffering from conflict in relationships, struggling with addiction or succumbing to relapse, we’re here to help. Comment below to share your conflict issues and how you’ve handled them, or contact us, we’re happy to help and listen.

Exercise Addiction

Are you dependent on exercising (in an unhealthy way)?
Regular Exercise Or Compulsion?

Regular physical activity plays a crucial role in health maintenance and disease prevention. However, excessive exercise has the potential to have adverse effects on both physical and mental health. While the scholastic and empirical discussion of excessive physical activity focuses on obsessive and compulsive exercising…how can we everyday people recognize the symptoms of an addiction? And once we do, what can we do about it?

We’ve Asked The Expert In Exercise Addiction

Today, joining us is Dr. Heather A. Hausenblas, Ph.D. Heather is a physical activity and healthy aging expert, researcher, and author. Her research focuses on the psychological effects of health behaviors across the lifespan. In particular, Dr. Hausenblas examines the effects of physical activity and diet on:

  • adherence
  • body composition
  • body image
  • mood
  • eating behaviors
  • quality of life
  • excessive exercise

She has also applied theoretical models to examine the psychological effects of physical activity during pregnancy and postpartum and its relationship to the health of the entire family.

Today, Dr. Heather shares her knowledge in diagnosing exercise dependence. We’ll learn who’s at risk and how exercise addiction can be treated. Again, please use the section below if you have a question at the end. We will do our best to provide you with a personal and prompt answer.